I can see your Hoohah!
Ladies, let’s face it, there is a growing trend for showing off our lovely lady lips, and I don’t mean the ones on our faces. All of the trendy Hollywood girls are doing it, so why shouldn’t you? The thing is, you gotta one up these Hollywood bitches and let them know that it takes more than just getting out of a car to be able to show off your cooter. Hey, if you’re gonna flaunt it, at least try these top 5 places and have a little bit of style and fun all in a flash!
Top 5 places to show your Vajayjay in public:
The Dog Park: The Dogs are naked, smelling each others’ parts; why shouldn’t a human get a whiff of your fish taco finally?
WalMart: (just kidding! There are already enough fatties showing off their nasties to go around)
Six Flags: You know when you’re suspended up in the air of Superman, waiting for your pennies to fly off your leg you are also waiting for your skirt to fly up too and show everyone your goodies. It’s an extra special treat for the attendants and people waiting to ride because the closer you get to the ground, the more they get to take in!
Schlitterbahn: (Or any other water park) Your bikini bottoms are going to fly so far up your ass when you slide down the mega steep slides that you might as well save yourself the trouble to get them out. Hey, in Europe they go topless, why don’t you just go bottomless and give that hot lifeguard the view he really wants?
While Sky Diving: Ah, nothing like the fresh feeling of wind blowing down there… or should I say, up there? Not to mention, if you’re jumping tandem, then who is to say your sky diving instructor won’t notice and want to help you join a different Mile High Club?
Blockbuster: (Or any other Video Rental Store) What’s more exciting than going into the Adult Section and having someone come down the aisle while you’re standing there? You know what they are looking for, they know what they are looking for… why not give it to them right there? Hey, you can easily show the person next to you that God made you a woman (or if God didn’t, then a hell of a surgeon did) and now he won’t even need to buy “Deep Throat” to satisfy his desire for the vag.
January 12, 2010 at 1:01 am | New styles, Uncategorized | Comments
Guys and Dolls
In light of the Twilight: New Moon movie, there are now Edward and Bella Barbies!!!! I’m so excited, and the best part about it is that Edward sparkles!!!! I was so inspired by this it made me want to make my boyfriend Eric sparkle. Now ladies, you can get your man to shine just like Edward Cullen!! Here’s the recipe for sparkilicious spouses:
1. Just smear liquid school glue on all exposed areas of your man’s skin. (Some men may be very hairy, so shaving problem areas like arms, legs and chest may be necessary)
2. Before the glue has a chance to fully dry, sprinkle fine particle glitter on all exposed areas. Not all areas may be covered at the first try, so you may have to repeat steps 1 & 2 again.
3. Take your man outside on a sunny day. Watch as the sun’s rays flicker off the beautiful new skin your man has adorned.
Enjoy! Now you have your very own Life Size Edward Cullen.
November 29, 2009 at 11:25 pm | How To's | Comments
Megan Fox is also a…
dumb cunt. “I was waiting for someone to defend me, to say, ‘That’s not accurate,’ but nobody did. I think it’s because I’m a girl. They left me out there to be bludgeoned to death.”
November 13, 2009 at 9:37 pm | Uncategorized | Comments
Guilty Pleasures
Ok ladies, let’s talk. Now I know that when I listen to my girl, Britney Spears, I get that urge to do ALL those things she talks about… you know what I’m saying. This girl knows what her guilty pleasures are for sure, and they are all innocent. If only I had known before saying no to that threesome that it was harmless, I would have gone along with it! I mean, in her song, 3, she says, “what we do is innocent, just for fun and nothin’ meant”.
Ladies, now I know it may seem that Britney is getting her ho on, but even Katy Perry’s guilty pleasure of kissing girls is innocent. My momma always told me to be monogamous, but why do that when my boyfriend won’t my mind random make-out sessions with girls and their Cherry Chapstick? I love these guilty pleasures! And why are they called guilty when they are completely innocent? I need to listen to Britney and Katy even more! They give me the best ideas!
Britney Spears — 3 (Official Music Video) — Funny bloopers are a click away
November 13, 2009 at 1:51 am | Uncategorized | Comments
Note to Self:
A 22 hour drive + A thong up my ass = thong burn.
November 8, 2009 at 6:24 pm | Fashion Mistakes, Note to Self | Comments